On Observing the Dutch Masters

I.

The needle threads a line
From my thigh to my heart
And back again. Start over
Return to center
Return

Two central lines placed in the middle
My stomach could not feel them.
It has not turned like this
In years. Compassion, you
Distant insufferable companion
You miserable wretch thing
I can only see the vacant smiles.
The things that i said
The things that went away
The things that remained
All of these things faded.
All of these and more.

II.

I am a rabid dog, confused by a virus i do not understand
I am angry because i am confused, confused because i am infected
I am the random evolution of a half-living thing
I am infecting the saliva and confusing the brain
I am teeth and claws and rabies.

My stomach hurts, mother. My heart is not beating,
I cannot feel it beat i cannot
Retreat further into myself
The space between my cells is full of atoms
I am terrified of what has become of me
I am teeth
I am claws
I am a rabid dog
Scared of what is happening

III.

Put on your black dress
You are going dancing
And i am not invited

I hide behind
Absurdist lines

(So find me.)

IV.

Return
To the center
Where the fever breaks
The stomach stills
The line threads up from the earth
Spilled out like blood
Moving upward to the treetops
Stopped by gravity, let our science
Damn our souls to unconstructed heavens
It is enough that you loved me
Even if i was still sleeping.

For now i am awake though unaware.
Silent, blind. I shall fall asleep
And let this come to be.

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love,
luke